Issue 13 • April 2014
Someday I Will Love Joshua Bennett
after Roger Reeves
After the first child’s first
child. After grad school for the last
time. Once I am officially un-dangerous,
my CV shining like an x-ray,
obscuring the black beyond
bullet’s reach. After first book.
Once this reputation grows fat
enough to feed all my friends with.
After momma’s new crib:
An outdoor pool & more rooms
than she has occasion for or cherished
possessions to fill. After full
beard. After tenure.
After broad chest
of drawers so big you could sketch a life
on its skin. After second job.
Once the math gets to settling.
When age & wealth dovetail
as they are wont to do when it comes
to no one I have ever known
well or held close, but so many I have studied
& swam & danced alongside since
flight from home first became equated with more
of whatever it is that our young are supposed to be
hunting here, dying towards.
Once I have forgiven my enemies
for being alive & still indifferent
to my many, well-earned grudges.
Once I have forgiven myself
for loving what I cannot
hold & will not give back
while this breath is still mine
to rent, to brandish like a duet
of ten-year old fists, sore
from hours spent trying to craft
my bedroom wall into a cure.
O Protean Self,
someday I will treasure you
more than I do the idea
of treasuring you.
I will call this life
a brash experiment,
every day not dead,
more than fate or lucky swing.
I will praise the man
who dreams between the slick,
infinite grooves of this body,
raising hymn to both his wounds
& his wings, all
that might carry
or quarry him a song
1. The process of becoming less bright. Ex: No one knew how to save the boy so we watched his inevitable fade with crumbs on our mouths and no spare change and short prayers that our own sons might never think his name aloud. 2. Black hairstyle characterized by an abundance of hair on the top of the head that gradually diminishes in thickness as it approaches the cheek. Ex: My childhood fade was so high and well-moisturized I would often tell passersby that it was a black box built by rogue scientists in case anything in my body ever crashed again and they needed access to backup recordings of all my best and most important dreams. 3. That which is caught by one who loses a fight in spectacular fashion. Ex: Y’all remember when Wahid fought Jason back in 4th grade because Jason kept making all those jokes about Wahid’s little brother riding the small bus and this man Jason caught the FADE in front of our entire school? Y’all remember that? How Wahid just stood there, staring at the crater Jason left in the grass? Like he forgot something?