Issue No. 20 | Spring 2019

Photo: ©Alexandra Silber

Photo: ©Alexandra Silber

Coulda-Been Ku


We endured so much.

No one else could have done it.  

I loved you. I’m sorry. 


What I remember 

Most? My hand-crafted letters

un-opened. Un-seen. 


Sweet youth. You taught me:

It does not have to mean the 

world, to mean a lot. 


I, available,

Open. You at a crossroads. 

Story of my life. 


I’ll never know why

your paint and my music can’t 

exist together. 


Time and space are cruel.

But you wrote that already. 

You call, and I sing.


Oh, the agony 

of being seen. Dark chapter. 

I loved you. Too much. 



You showed us how to 

love harder.  First rebellion.

The first, everything.


I should have loved you 

better. Not The One. 

But the best I knew. 

The hurt is nothing 

now—turned to gratitude and

sentiment. All one.

You get three stanzas.

For in the end, I’m proud of 

us. I’m proud of us.


Breadcrumbs are savage. 

I am nobody’s ‘just in case.’

Hear this: Crumbs aren’t food. 


Time stopped in the snow. 

Stay, oh beautiful boy from 

the long ago bus.


All the Coulda-beens

Have lead to you. You you you—

You were worth the wait.



Alexandra Silber is an international actress, Grammy-nominated singer, and writer. In London’s West End she played starring roles The Woman in White, Fiddler on the Roof, Kiss Me Kate and Carousel. In New York she’s appeared in Hello Again, Master Class, She Loves Me, Song of Norway, Arlington, and the 2016 Broadway revival Fiddler on the Roof. Alexandra is a Grammy-nominee for her portrayal of Maria in the symphonic recording of West Side Story, with San Francisco Symphony. Her debut novel "After Anatevka,” and memoir "White Hot Grief Parade" are both published by Pegasus Books. @alsilbs